I don’t know if you’ve ever done psychedelics, but for me, there’s a feeling when I feel my skin and look at my fingertips, that reminds me of how amazing it is that I can do those things.
I feel that right now. I appreciate my toes, and every single body part attached to them. My body is carrying another human as it grows and readies for this world. My breasts are getting ready to feed and nourish another human. That’s insane. It’s just such an amazing miracle to be able to carry and feed a child. I feel him kick all the time, and it never gets old.
I can’t wait to feel his little feet and his kung-fu baby deathgrip.
In a way, in the past when I’ve been tripping and had these appreciative feelings, it almost feels like mothering myself. As if I was looking over myself, thinking, I created this. I will keep you safe.
This might be kind of an abstract way to describe how I’m feeling, but it makes so much sense to me. I’ve experienced some speed bumps recently, but I know I’ll always be able to rely on myself, and my excellent abilities to create and grow. In a way, I did create myself. My mom gets most of the credit, but I have chosen who I am. I focused on the things I wanted more of, and I let go of the things that I didn’t.
I will keep myself safe. I will keep this baby safe.
And I will LOVE myself, endlessly, and be kind to myself when I feel sad.