I’ve been out of town. Well, I’ve been home for a couple days, but I’ve been resting after a long weekend of volunteering and breakthroughs.
I had been priding myself on the fact that I was writing (posting) every single day. So much so, that when the internet didn’t connect to my laptop at the hotel, I got anxious. It was then, that I realized I was basing my worth off of my doings. I had it like MyWorth=action(me). I had it wrong. I am not unworthy if I do not write. I am good enough, even if I don’t write. It was a huge breakthrough in realizing my worth.
It’s easy for me to get caught up in how many followers I have, or how many views I had that day. My goal is to create a blog that pays for its own domain, and a blog that has quality information/perspectives. I want people to get something out of my work. That’s all fine and dandy, but if I don’t change 15 lives by dinner time, I shouldn’t beat myself up about it. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of forgiveness.
You are too.
This weekend was filled with all kinds of love. I got to see a lot of people whom I love dearly, and haven’t seen in a while. Being in service with people I care about is one of my favorite ways to bond. Which, is actually kind of funny because as I re-read that sentence, I saw what I actually love, and that’s quality time. Quality time tends to be my first love language. Time spent together, in service, is super quality.
Another breakthrough I had, had to do with self care, and how self care is still outward focused (sometimes.) I literally get to care for myself because if I pushed too far, I would be pushing the body carrying my child too far. Normally, on one of these volunteering weekends, I would have picked up so many heavy things and been standing the whole time. I asked for tasks that I could be seated. I would go to pick something up, pause, and ask for support. It was a beautiful thing to see my commitment to my health and my baby’s health in bold letters.
And once again, remembering my worth, every time I was supported by someone, I got to remember that I’m worthy of support.
I also got to be truly forgiving. My boyfriend has had struggles with addiction in the past, and even though he’s been doing well, I’ve been holding onto that in the deepest, darkest parts of me. I let go of that, and it’s something that I get to let go of, every time I think I see a mark, or I think any kind of doubt. I mean, not if it’s a real intuitive feeling, but if I’m just grasping at straws of the past, that gets to go.
What are some breakthroughs that you get to have?