Partner in Time

Photo is from Christmas 2012. 🙂

 

I’m really grateful that I have a partner who is also my best friend. Travis is compassionate, understanding, loving and devoted. He’s human, and has made some mistakes, and they were never to intentionally hurt anyone, maybe aside from himself.

I’m happy to say that we’ve been learning how to be together as a team, both of us growing and becoming more aware of how we are in the world.

We were together all of 2013, and some of 2014. After that, we broke up and it was really sad. We chose to be friends, because we’d rather have each other on some level instead of none. It wasn’t that hard for us to do, considering we were best friends from early on.

We talked about crushes we had, people we saw, struggles…we were like teenage girls. We were best friends for the next few years, and while he was still struggling with addiction and a couple legal issues, there would randomly be times I didn’t hear from him for a while. That was nerve-wracking. Aside from when he was missing, we spoke nearly every day.

For a long time I couldn’t get over what happened, and after being around my family abusing drugs, I didn’t want to be around it again. Which was kind of silly of me, considering when I met him, I knew he had recently overcame his addiction. See, instead of seeing addiction as a symptom of faulty coping mechanisms, or shitty, self limiting beliefs, I took it personally. It was very easy for me to play the victim in a lot of places in life. It’s what I grew up around. I was used to it.

It was because of that I said I’d never get back with him again.

Then I found a leadership program and was able to see things from a different perspective. I still told people I’d never get with him again, there was too much painful history.

WELL, last year, Travis got out of jail. I had been randomly checking his status to make sure he was still alive. At least if he was in jail, he wasn’t dead. When he texted me, I thought it was my mom at first. That was an awkward attempt at a surprise of a text. I was very excited to talk to him. I was about to go to bed, but I stayed up to talk to him.

When he sent me a text of his godly like arms, I informed him that I had a boyfriend. His response was respectful, but I still was a little too excited to be talking to someone I wasn’t interested in.

It took me talking to Travis, someone who has basically always been risky, and feeling like home, to realize the relationship I had been in was safe, and not what I ultimately wanted. We had different values and desires, and goals. I felt like I made up an entire library of emotions because it honestly put me in a safe position in life. Though, I did enjoy meeting him and playing music and stuff. It just wasn’t all I was saying it was.

I was playing him, however unintentional it may have been.

With a new perspective, I realized I had loved Travis this whole time, and that I would always love him, and that even if I didn’t get in a relationship with him, I needed to stop stringing along the person I was with.

I’m really glad I did that, because now I’m with the love of my life, and my ex is with someone he cares for deeply, and who shares similar values and goals with him.

I’m really grateful to have my Partner in Time. The only crime Travis is guilty of is stealing my heart. I love him so. And I love our unborn son.

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