That’s all they ever are. They’re my kryptonite. Let’s face it, they’re probably the reason I’m pregnant. No, not really, that’s because I love my boyfriend and we want a family.
Aaaand because I can’t resist boxer-briefed buns.
So, sorry for anyone who might wanted to keep up with the idea that I’m still 12 years old. Oh god, I’m more than double that now.
People used to ask me if I felt any different when it was my birthday. I always said no, until I turned 20. When I turned 20, I realized I was two decades old. My teen years were over and I was two decades old. That made getting older seem more relatable. When I turned 25, it was that I was a quarter of a century old. That still blows my mind when I think about it, but I don’t think about it as often. Until, I just said I’m double that (12). 2 dozen and one year.
Now, I don’t say these things in an oh, woe is me I’m so old kind of way, I say them triumphantly. I MADE IT. I’ve made it to a quarter of a century! There was a time that I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it to 21, and I didn’t care. Sh!t, when I was 21, I had written and published my first book, and moved across the country.
I’m proud of myself.
The last few days I’ve been randomly getting into bad moods. Partly due to stress, partly due to hormones, and partly due to the fact that the little voice in the back of my mind has been beating me up instead of building me up. Well, in the last year and a half, I’ve learned how to acknowledge those self-limiting beliefs, and then move on. They are not true. I am powerful enough to be aware of those limiting beliefs and shift. Each moment is a new moment to experience, and I can choose what kind of experience I create. I didn’t choose it for a lot of the day, and that’s okay. I needed to experience those feelings in order to have this realization again. I am now choosing to be in a space of gratitude and love.
Here I am, sitting in my bed next to the love of my life, the father of my unborn child, both of us illuminated by the orange glow of the salt lamp my parents gave me, and I couldn’t imagine feeling anything other than the overwhelming love of god. This is my own personal heaven, and I am blessed.
Goodnight, world, and if you’re on the other side of the globe as I am, good day. 🙂