I’ve been feeling fat. Which is totally silly, considering I’m growing a human inside of me. Still, the anorexic, 16 year-old Hailey is randomly popping in with her thoughts and insecurities. It’s the part of my psyche that’s convinced I must be gaining too quickly and that it’s just regular fat, not baby fat.
Then, super-confident, goddess Hailey, takes over the other moments, and reminds me that I’m super sexy, especially since I’m carrying a child and that’s a seriously beautiful miracle. My boyfriend also reminds me that I’m totally bodacious. He hasn’t actually said that, he normally tells me how beautiful I am and gets all excited, even when I’m just wearing my baggy pajamas and just woke up. He really is the most amazing boyfriend.
Another thing that’s been on my mind, is that his mom and my grandma have both mentioned how we should get married before the baby comes. My uncle came at us with statistics last night, and quite frankly, the statistics for marriage in general are shit- not just marriages beginning when pregnant. I also think that just because the statistics are there doesn’t mean you’re going to follow them.
I think what marriages are lacking these days is commitment. Commitment, and service. In a successful relationship, I think it’s extremely important to be in service to the other person, AND yourself, and not to expect things. You can make requests, and agreements, but to just expect someone to read your mind, and then getting mad when they don’t, is just not a recipe for success. It’s also about being self-aware enough to know when you’ve been taking your own internal issues out on them, and taking ownership of that and acknowledging how you might have shown up. When you do that, then you can operate from a clear space and choose to commit yourself to acting from love again.
So, we’ve been with each other for several months this time, and a year before, and friends all in the middle. Like, no shit best friends. The kinds of best friends that talk about crushes and call each other on their shit. I am committed to Travis, and he is committed to me. We’re committed to us as a team, as a family. We kind of already feel like a married couple.
So, I’m wondering, aside from our old fashioned relatives approving of the timing, what’s the benefit from getting married before we have the baby? What are the cons? It’s not like we want a huge wedding. Just something small, because it’s between us, our closest family and friends, and god/the universe, oh and the law. If you have any thoughts on this, I would love to hear them.
P.S. I just looked up the origin of shotgun wedding, because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to use that as a tag, but that doesn’t work because we knew what we were doing, and we’re not embarrassed to have a baby without being married. Just an FYI.